Stop & Stare

So much have happened over these couple of years..Haven been blogging as all of a sudden feel like to doing so all over again. Perhaps its just e best way of letting it out.

So the difference right now is im not longer attached to ahfat and I'm engaged to someone by e nick of carebear.n yes i repeat im NGAGED!!!unbelievable indeed..that's the last thing i had in mine when i was in mi early 20's especially after what happen with my mum and ahfat. However, that's not all...My beloved grandma have parted. Subhan Allah life is so precious....

On the other hand, work have been kind enought for me...Alhamdulillah got converted last Dec. Even though the old khakis have left me and at times things just don't go e way u 1 it 2 go due to the people around, it's still manageble.

So the main obstacle in life rite now that i'm still juggling wit e lost and my rship life with carebear....

Everyday I missed her dearly and i can't go a day without thinking of her. Yes call me crazy all you one but i guess that's what real love is all about...The person that you will call and hear her voice when you're not in a gd state and e sunday visits does no longer exist. it's really not easy especially when you're dealing it on your own.Sometimes it's just betta not to share with the perople around you coz u aint 1 them to worry about u. That's when the quote 'Fake it till you Feel It' comes by. Some nights are just gloomy and when she appears in your dream that's the only time u can see her.All these are precious moments that i'd never want 2 trade.

Nuff said about my beloved precious grandma...

So rship it is....

it still hurts...

hate it wen it struck mi al over again.....sumtimes u feel lk u made it through bt it jz hits u bk.....y is standin' up on 2 feet so difficult?wish im like JLO gettin' & movin' on faster than expected....gosh...it gets very tirin'....it sux!!argh!!!!!!reli feel lk goin' overseas nw....argh!!!!!2pid mi...2pid brain & most imptly 2pid heart which stil feels shit.......its comin' 2 1mth n yet im stil feelin' suckie....n more suckier each time e day paz by..august is gettin' near...owaez luk 4ward 2 it bt tiz iz e 1st time whr i feel lk i dun1 2 go throu august or perhaps lets august paz by faster lk a flash....haiz....sukier & Sukier!!!!!

it ended in June.... :'(

aftral tt we been thru he finali made his mind and told me tt i shld enjoy mi life 4 nw....wen i asked him whether wt he wants..start afresh?time off or break up?he rplied tt..n wen i asked isit a breakup he said he didnt said tt...n e nxt thing i knew i was left hangin' in e fb status of rship...which is 'in a rship' oni....*ouch!* i jz got shot w/o a bullet vest..haiz.....it's been 2 wks nw since we last met....e best part to hurt even more is wen he asked e galz 4 advised n 1 of 'em told him 'wt 4 continue a rship wen thr's no love?' he said he luv mi stil n told u he din luv mi...so tiz u gotta put it in ur fuckin' head!!!do u even noe hw much we wen thru al tiz while even thou feelinz fade??u were e cause of it in e 1st plc...if u didnt even cum in2 our life n asked 4 his help al tiz wldnt hv hapen....argh!!!!!!!!worst stil, i so didn't xpect it 2 hear frm you....seriously....instead of makin' things beta you juz made it even worst bitch...n e bez part is negative advises played a part....u r oni 22,mind still nt matured n yet u speak lk u r sum matured bitch....so much 4 e hapi endin' ya...n u jz made mi dae worst AGAIN!!*thks bitch* askin' mi whether im ok?oni a bitch lk u wld feel ok aftr a break up!!gosh!!!!im nt lk u hu can date 1 guy aftr another...so dun ask a 2pid Q whether m i ok n ure shocked tt we broke up ya....

n 'u' on e other hand....i dun gt it...y did u asked mi 4 a chance wen u dun even intend 2 fight 4 it?u said i shld fight bt nw u din...u gave up on mi...do u noe it sux....do u noe im trying my very best 2 4gt u bt i duno y tiz 2pid brain jz cnt...n tiz eyes kipz havin' teary waterfal which runs dwn e cheek??y did u say it aint a break up wen i asked u bt ppl kip askin' mi eh wen did u break up?hw can u tel mi it aint a break up bt u tel 'em it is????y do u hv  2 do tiz 2 mi wen u dun even 1 tiz???y???y??y????we were suppoz 2 celebrate our 2yrs anni n tiz hapen....i wish im a superfox which can just simply 4gt u lk hw u 4gt mi??i dun hv e heart 2 do evrythin' tt u did....didnt u promized mi tt ure gona fight 4 mi?????

i tot i moved on jz fined bt i was wrong....smsed u n tel u hw much i missed u bt u jz simply ignored mi..n wen i dun, u'd sms mi n say hope im doin' ok....wt r u tryin' 2 do?its easy....u hv a choice which i gave...bt y u made it worst?y?

I reli wished tt im able 2 gt a job out of sg so i can start a new life since there's nomore reason 4 mi 2 stay here....it was u hu made mi feel lk i shld continue wit life bt nw itz u hu made me feel life is nutin...itz beta 2 b dead then feel tiz crappy shitty feelin'.....u too showed mi wt luv is bt nw u too showed me thr's no such thing called luv......

i may looked strong on e outside bt truth is im dyin' inside....im so tired of actin' s if there's nutin wrong wit mi....

portdickson trip finali arrived....

e day ive been waitin' 4 have arrived......im cluelez....im nt sure wt mi mind is tinkin'.....im s confused s b4........i duno by his reactions is he 4 real or is it jz another rebound&fun tinngy.......haiz....its a holidae bt mi mind isnt @ ease &sumhw cnt b @ ease even though i tried so badly......haiz.............shld i blieve tt tiz time his 4 real abt tiz rship?i wish i hv a clue.....
I wish i hv an answr soon.....gdnite world...

portdickson trip finali arrived....

e day ive been waitin' 4 have arrived......im cluelez....im nt sure wt mi mind is tinkin'.....im s confused s b4........i duno by his reactions is he 4 real or is it jz another rebound&fun tinngy.......haiz....its a holidae bt mi mind isnt @ ease &sumhw cnt b @ ease even though i tried so badly......haiz.............shld i blieve tt tiz time his 4 real abt tiz rship?i wish i hv a clue.....
I wish i hv an answr soon.....gdnite world...

blieve in gut feelin' or let it slip....

s usual another shitty weekend....

already yesterday i felt horrible @ nite b4 we part n nw again feelin' shitty s eva...wen u sang those songs i c thru u tt ure hurtin' inside coz she's nw in luv wit sum1 else nt u..n its e same old shit of y she left u in e pass...im nt sure if im over reactin' bt i jz wana noe wts in ur mind n heart....seriously........

n tiz mrg.....rec'd sms frm him...he told mi tt his out wit his homies..so i tot ok so his out n ltr found out he left abt 5 or 6pm duno 2 whr....n e bez part ppl sms nvr rply...n wen finali asked whr is he...he said he was with 1 of his homies....gosh...smells sumtink fishy sumhw...shld i stick 2 mi gut feelin' or shld i let it slip??i doubt his wit his homies...feels lk his wit sum1 bt definitely nt her...i jz wana noe e truth ttz all...is tt so much 2 ask 4??gosh...frm 8pm bcum 8.30pm...n @ 8.45pm sms gona leave in 10mins time....@ 9.15pm is stil sumwhr quiet...wtf???seriously....y cnt jz say we'l get ur stuff tml n 2dae jz change $ instead of sayin' tml stil cn get rite....wth....gosh....so mani things 2 do tml....mit e dealer tml...then wana gt mi stuff tml...then wen can hv sum peaceful dinner 2gthr??gosh.....

y muz u owaez spoil mi mood???seriously......wt e hel is wrong wit u??so freakin' tired of al e f**kin' bulshit!!i wish i can read ur mind so tt i can jz gt mi ass off ur world....

arghh!!!!!!!!

no mood friday

cnt blieve it's friday n im stuck @ home coz evry1 is bz n onc aint wana mit mi...haiz...work lil sux s usual due 2 e same person....then wen 4 waxin' in twn n met mumi @ novena 4 dinner n wen home...wen u hv no mood it juz killz u dwn mentally & physically.....even e food tt u take doesnt taste gd coz no appetite 2 eat....reach home, wash up, pray then decided to take a stroll dwn e normal path 2 e beach.........

im so worried tt al tiz iz gona lead 2 depression.....nt tinkin' too much bt its lk frm insomnia then lost of appetite then no mood.....gosh...n e bez part is due to al tiz strez e time of e mth is delayed...haiz...hope it'l cum 2nite or tml...

nw bk 2 onc coz his oso 1 of e reason im tiz wae....im confused....i reli wana noe y doesnt he wana mit mi bt instead mit up wit his frenz...i noe e particular fren is reli ur gdfren bt stil?wtf!sumhw i wish they din even cum bother lukin' him up...coz al they do was make mi life miserable or shall i say our relationship bcum relationshit....!!!!!bt then again...things hapen 4 a reason.....


n lazly nw im tinkin' onc is gona mit mi tml a nt.....?since he said he isnt i wonder hu is he gona hangout wit?i tink its e gdfren uh since she's single mingle....if its reli e case then a big 'OUCH!' bt then again hv 2 endure rite til end e trip....sigh....newae feel so lazie 2 type oredi so guez tiz iz al 4 nw...

nitez....